Fun/Jokes
McCain Girl and the Enchanted Republican Forest
August 15, 2008
Barely Political - Funny Political Videos — McCain Girl and her magical animated friends sing about John McCain in the strangest campaign ad yet
2008 Election: The NES Game
November 10, 2008
Barely Political - Funny Political Videos — Politics makes so much more sense in 8-bits.
“Well,” says the clerk, and looks at the ground in embarassment, “you may have noticed there aren’t any women on the base. You see, we keep a camel in that there stable, so that when the men get their urges they can –”
The Colonel holds up his hand, shakes his head and cuts off the clerk midsentence. “PLEASE! Say no more. I get the point.”
Well, as you can imagine, after a few weeks on the base the Colonel too felt the need for a woman, and so he found himself at the clerk’s desk one Saturday afternoon. “Tell me,” the Colonel said in a whisper, looking over his shoulder to be sure no one else could hear, “is the camel free this afternoon?”
The clerk checks his appointment book and nods in the affirmative. “How about I schedule you in for 2:00?”
The Colonel nods and walks away. At 2:00 he makes his way to the stable, walks in, and gently closes the door behind him. He finds a small stepping stool nearby, moves it behind the camel, and climbs onto it. Then he lowers his trousers, and begins, well, making love to the camel.
Just as he’s nearing his peak, the door opens suddenly and the Colonel spins around in shock and embarrassment to see the clerk standing there with a big grin on his face. As the Colonel begins to yell for him to leave, the clerk interrupts him with a quizzical look on his face.
“Begging your pardon, sir, but wouldn’t it have been simpler for you to just ride the camel into town to find a woman, like the other men do?”
Obama Girl plays Wii Tennis at E3
Barely Political - Funny Political Videos
Speech to the deaf.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well” he explained” By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen”.
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I’ll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. “Well” he explained” By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen”.
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I’ll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. “Well” he explained,” by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…….”
Kinky Sex
There’s this young couple, Louise and Al, they’ve been married for about a year, and the bride isn’t getting any sex. Just about every night hubby comes home, has a shower, gets changed and goes down to the pub. She’s getting increasingly rampant as the days go on,
but each night she is disappointed.
Al comes home every night completely hammered and unfit for sexual activity. One particular night when Al gets in from work, Louise is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing the skimpiest dress she has, suspenders, stockings, and very sexy lace panties and bra.
As is always the case, Al comes home runs upstairs, gets ready and goes to the pub. Once again Louise is rejected, so she sits back with a bottle of wine to console herself. Then at 11 pm (well before normal) she hears Al coming up the driveway and opening the front door. Louise re-adopts her sexually provocative pose on the sofa and to her surprise, Al’s first words are, “Right woman, get upstairs - into the bedroom.”
“YES!” she says under her breath as she runs upstairs, “This is the night, I’m gonna get some!”
When Louise reaches the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits on the edge of the bed in her black lace panties - ready for Al, as he stomps up the stairs. As Al pushes the bedroom door open he says, “Right, now get your clothes off!”
Louise doesn’t need telling twice, it’s off with everything. “Now get over in front of the mirror..,”
“Kinky!” she thinks. “Great!”
“and do a handstand…”
“Oh god, I’ve been waiting for this for ages,” thinks Louise…
Al walks over to Louise, parts her legs and places his chin in her crotch… “Perhaps the guys at the bar were right, a beard would suit me!”
Viagra Mickey Finn!
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband’s sex drive.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asks the doctor.
Not a chance’ says Mrs. Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”
‘No problem,’ replies the doctor. ‘Drop it into his coffee,he won’t even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.’
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
‘Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.’
What happened?’ asks the doctor.
‘Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!
‘What was terrible?’ said the doctor, ‘Was the sex not good?’
‘Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I’ve had in 25 years…
but I’ll never be able to show my face in McDonald’s again!’
Actual Court Sayings!
30 things people actually said in court
Question 1.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Question 2.
Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
Question 3.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
Question 4.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years
Question 5.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A My name is Susan.
Question 6.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximatly milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Question 7.
Q: Sir, What is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Question 8.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Question 9.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.
Question 10.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes
Q: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Question 11.
Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?
Question 12.
Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?
Question 13.
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Question 14.
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Question 15.
Q: Did he kill you?
Question 16.
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
Question 17.
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Question 18.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Question 19.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at the time?
Question 20.
Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: none.
Q: Were there any girls?
Question 21.
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Question 22.
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Question 23.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Question 24.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Question 25.
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?
Question 26.
Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Question 27.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
A: Oral
Question 28.
Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Question 29.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Question 30.
Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
True Lawyer Statements
Amazing and true lawyer statements.
Lawyers typically aren’t funny — unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide…
1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
2) Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
3) Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’
Q: Did he kill you?
4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
6) Were you alone or by yourself.
7) How long have you been a French Canadian?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
14) So you were gone until you returned?
15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
16) You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”
20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that so?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
Hello,my name is Karl Gehrke
I live in the UK in Stoke-on-Trent
and I would like to welcome
you to my site, please feel
free to have a look around
I hope you like what you see.
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